Carl Macek is my anime con yaoi lovebuddy

Carl Macek is my anime con yaoi lovebuddy
by Anonymous
Artwork by Neil Foster
Yes folks, you heard it here first. My anime con lovebuddy is none other than the infamous Anime Anti-Christ Carl Macek. And all the badly done dubbing that it implies baby. Now you must all be wanting to ask a few questions. Like, how did I meet such a wonderful man? Well, I’ll tell you… it all started back at last years Anime Weekend Atlanta, the video game room. I remember it just like my acid flashbacks of Vietnam. I had just finished a 3-hour stint on Tekken Tag Tournament, watching ever person trying to beat me fail miserable like the lame puppies that they are. As I stood up, legs gave out on me, not used to so much effort. As I fell, my head must have hit the table, because there was a space of black blankety blankness there where I was unconscious. But once I came to, I saw him. Cark Macek, kicking ass and taking names playing Dance Dance Revolution. He was playing Boom Boom Dollar. That’s our song now you know. Now, I don’t know if it was true love, or perhaps all the alcohol that was being drunk in the room, but at that moment I swear their were spinning roses behind that man. There was no doubt in my mind now. I had to meet him.

After he had finished his game he walked over and sat down. I oh-so-casually walked over and sat down beside him, and then, we had our first chat. Sigh.

“Nice game.” I said first.

“Thanks. Got an E.” He replied. Oh, that voice! It was a lovely tenor, sheer music tome ears. My heart began to thump, horribly loud, but I calmed myself. I didn’t want to scare off Mr. Macek.

“Yeah, but you really put that Boom Boom in that Dollar.” I then said, hoping to rekindle the conversation.

“Huh.” He replied. He didn’t even need a whole sentence. His one word spoke volumes.

“I never knew that Carl Macek was into DDR.” I then replied.

“Is he really?” He then asked. Apparently he came here under cover. That was okay by me. I wanted him under cover as well.

“Of course, you were magnificent.” I then said. So he would at least know that someone knew the true him.

“Um, dude. My name is James.” He then replied.

“Of course you are… James…” I could play along as well.

“Dude, why are you looking at me like that? What do you think I am, g… Dude your hand!” He exclaimed as he got up and ran out of the room. I sighed with a frown. I guess I was too forward. Ah well, I knew I had to catch him.

I ran out outside the video game room, but Carl was nowhere to be found. He sure was a fast one. Unhindered by this fact, I began my search for him. My diligence soon paid off. I heard a chant, loud and robust like a German turnpike.

“Washu! Washu! Washu!” they cried, and I knew right then that it was a signal between Carl and me that he realized that we were meant for each other. I of course had to agree to that with all my heart and soul. As I walked towards the crowd, I saw him right off. He was now dressed up like Jiugen from Lupin. I had to give him credit, he knew cosplay, he looked nothing like that demon on DDR I saw just moments before. Why, if it weren’t for the bond of true love we shared, I would not have recognized him at all. So wrapped in said true love as my armor I walked over to Carl, and began yet another conversation.

“Nice costume.” I said.

“Thanks.” He replied. Apparently what distress he had at first was now gone.

“Lupin would be proud.” I then said.

“I’d like to think so. Name’s Neil.”

“Neil… right…” I then said. So he had taken yet another new name to go with the new look. I approved. “So… you busy with anything?”

“Well, I was thinking about to go see the fan parodies. Wanna come?”

“Sounds heavenly.”

“Um, yeah. Well they are about to start, let’s go.” And with that I nodded and we walked off to see the fan parodies. And yes, it was heaven. However, as soon as we walked into the packed room, I lost him. I then frowned; fate had deceived me. Just when I was getting to know him he goes away.

WHY CRUEL FATE MUST YE MOCK ME SO?!?!

But then when I was in the midst of true horror, Carl yet again revealed himself in a ray of bright rose-scented glittery light. Or was that two-day old fanboy stench? I wasn’t sure which smell it was, but one thing was for sure, Carl had come back to me. He had resumed his “James” persona, same garb and everything. I literally hopped with joy. He was showing his true self to me, so that we may be together! Though he looked very nervous, I could understand that. It’s not every con you find your soul mate. I walked over to him and simply said, “Hello Carl.”

He just looked at me in mock horror and responded, “Oh no! Not you again!” I grinned and grabbed his arm, and lead him out of the room. He clearly was too enveloped in joy to understand the situation. Luckily I was being clear-headed about this so there wouldn’t be any problems. I happily drug him off to my room where we snuggled the night away like little kittens. He eventually came to his senses and gave up all his false pretenses, which made the snuggling even better.

… What, you excepted us to do anything else? Look, we might be yaoi, but we aren’t gay. Sheesh. But even then, our love was not meant to be, as the next day was Sunday and my Carl had to leave for parts unknown. He said that there was still anime out there that he had yet to defile, and his work must come before his love. Or, at least that’s what I thought he said, it was either that or kill me now please I wanna die. Of course, I think that was what he may have been saying last night as well, but no matter. We hugged one last time as he walked away into the parking lot. I turned around, so he wouldn’t see me cry, not even when I heard a scream as some poor chump must have gotten ran over. It didn’t bother me one bit, since they were calling out the names James. I grinned, because I realized then, Carl and I will always have our next anime convention.

I can’t wait!

(Basil is a humor anime columnist who has been known to proposition catboys at anime cons.)